Lost my way

Isn't it amazing that the more you get involved in something such as your religion the more you lose your way. I have loved the Lord and that love became confused with the love of a dear friend. Oh my gosh, how could that ever happen and why. That is not what the Lord wanted. The more I prayed, the more my prayers got mixed up. Finally I was totally lost. So I am starting again, starting from scratch, asking for forgiveness after I was told to look up Isiah 2:20. I was not hearing from God (or didn't feel like I was), I felt abandoned. I have thought about leaving the church and looking for another church although that would be an easy way to escape, I love my church. God I have totally messed up. I have asked in prayers for you to "fix it". You are making me squirm and wiggle and work really hard. All I have to do is pass it over to you.

Prayer for those who are ill

Dear Lord;

I am praying a humble and powerful prayer. I am praying for Jeremy, Cameron, Dottie, Steve, Karen, Dina, Jadon, Pam and for all the little children and for all those that have not met you yet. I am praying that you will come into their lives. I am praying that you will heal their illnesses. I am praying that you create miracles. I know you have the knowledge and skill and I pray that you can pass those on to their doctors. Touch their bodies and heal them of the cancer, leukemia, heart problems and all the other illnesses. I am praying that you will bring someone into their lives that will tell them of your power. I am praying for Brian and Nick that they will come to fully believe in you and accept you as their savior. I am praying for Alishia and Sean and Bob that they will become so filled with your power. I pray for Mary that she will see me as someone she can count on, someone that will be there and someone whose friendship is valued. In Christs name. CLC

Prayer for Sean and Alishia

Dear Father; As my son approaches his wedding date, I pray that you will be with both Sean and Alishia that you will be in Sean and Alishia. I pray that they will accept your love and guidance and that they will pray for your acceptance. I ask you for a beautiful legal wedding that is blessed by you. Dear Lord, help them celebrate in a holy manner and that they celebrate you. Be with their pastor as they say their vows that the vows may mean the sustaining of their love. In Christs name, Cindy

Prayers for Mission

Dear Heavenly Father; You are so gracious, you are so beautiful, you are so holy. I have prayed since December that you will send me to Uganda. I have prayed since December that you will send my pastor where she needs to mission. You have been so kind to have helped provide much of the money. I am now praying that you will give us the words needed to say. That you will continue to help us raise the funds and that you will give us a safe journey. I know that you will know the right time to go. I know that you will know the right place to go. I thank you so much for the water you have provided for the Ugandans. I thank you so much for the dresses that have been created for the young girls. Please keep me walking with you. Keep me humble but bold in your mission. Empower the Holy Spirit to work through me. Dear Lord, don't let me be distracted by those who do not understand. You have a mission for me and I will obey. In Christs name
Cindy

Changes Friend

I have lost a friend but she is shining down from heaven. She was one of the most beautiful Christian women that I had ever known. She always put Jesus first and always said she would do what he had asked. I was devastated when she died but I was thrilled that she was definately where God wanted her. I lost another friend as she distanced herself with this loss. I didn't understand that. There was a void in my heart and I didn't know what to do with it. I pray every day for God to heal the void. I felt lost but felt there was a purpose for my life? I know God has a place for me? I am praying he will put me in international mission work but I pray he will use me where he wants. I am so thankful that I was hired for the census as that allows me to save up the money for the trips. I am so thankful for an opportunity to go or send someone where they can teach and serve others. God be with Mary as she attends her son's wedding, as she gets a daughter in law, as she hugs her other son. God unlike Marsha, I will ask you to bring her back. Bring her home. We need her and she belongs here for now. She has work to do.

God Please Clarify

I have not written anything since Marsha died. Not only did I lose a wonderful friend that had been such a great Christian and who had kept me on track but I also lost another dear friend and I don't know why. When Marsha died a foursome died. I had three friends to connect with and suddenly her absence created a big hole. I did not get to say good bye as her family had requested only family, her best friend and her pastor (also a best friend) be at her home and at her attendance. My luncheon with my Pastor was canceled and I was called in to visit with a person who had apparently been praying for me. She suggested I that I was covering things up from the past and things should be rethought. I was sad......so sad and very confused. God I don't know what you had in mind or what you were thinking but I am very blessed by my friends. My daughter called my doctor and returned a call to my pastor....hmmm? It was explained that my signature had been sloppy and there were concerns of my being too involved with my pastor. So that relationship would be cut back. It was suggested that I see a Christian Counselor so I did. I saw him once and he thought I was more than ok. God is good and understanding, I just need his explanation.

Thank You God for your Outcome

Ok............so 7 years have passed. No mammorgram. I feel good, I self exam and find nothing and I feel secure. Hummmmmmmmmmm, my grandmother, my mother and her two sisters all had breast cancer. They are all had their breasts removed, all but one is dead.

As I went to lunch with my pastor, we talked about Dina. I don't know why but I mentioned my family's history. Oh my. She knew we had no insurance but she asked if it was because of money, if so she would provide some of the pastors discressionary money. I said no. She asked if I was afraid as she would set up a meeting and we would talk. I said no. Then she gave me a deadline. February 17th and February 28th. February 28th is a Sunday, what is that date for? I made an appointment and the test came back beautifully. I would never have done gone in, I had been given the form by the doctor last June.

I thank you God for the deadline...........I thank you for the results............I thank you for a caring friend.

A Wedding Blessing

I have been shy from appearance in helping with my son and his finances wedding plans. Funds are short, plans are scattered and an excited finance has been come discouraged.

Yesterday God whispered in my ear.............you need to call her, you need to find out if she needs some help. I had been avoiding her as I felt her mother was there for her but I found out the answer was no.

Yesterday we went shopping, we bought bubbles, we bought flower baskets, we bought invitations, we checked into a cake and tuxcedos. We will do more tomorrow. God is working. He has kept the prices to a minimum. He has directed us to where we can find items needed. The shopping has been a delight.

I bless you so much God...........I am thanking you for your help. I thank you for the time you have put Alishia and I together. She needs to be lifted up and you are doing that. Her wedding is so important to her. I know you will be there.

Thank You God for My Sins

This has been a tough week and a half. God has given me many challenges and some I have addressed and some I have denied. I have been so hurt when a friends brother died in his 40's. He had a very short time of being diagnosed with cancer on his lungs and liver. He flew to New York to receive some treatment and then was told he had no longer than a week to live. My friend had not seen his brother for 15 years, he was to fly out at midnight and would be in PA for a week. God for some reason put a hold on the plane and it did not fly. The weather had canceled the flight but I really feel that God canceled it. That evening his brother died. It was tough and to try and figure out why seemed senseless. My friend is angry, hurt and trying to figure it out.

Several weeks ago one of my dearest friends went into the hospital as her doctors request. She had a severe backache. She has had numerous boughts with her platlets and had a battle with leukemia. She is such a strong Christian and I just hurt for her. Again, I am praying for BHAP prayers (Big) God told me he would hold her and he would heal her. There are 3 kinds of healing so I have to trust him. She has developed pneumonia and has a blood clot.

The same day I found out that the hospital had messed up on putting her port in, I went to the Pastors Prayer luncheon. We were to pray over the Pastors for their requests. As I stood over my pastor, God told me to say something and out loud I told him I could not say that. He told me again to say it and again I denied him. I just broke down and cried for a day and a half. I had sinned so much but I could not say what he wanted me to. I think Satan grabbed me and made me cry so hard. That night I woke up at 1:30 and God exited me from earth to view the Universe. He said, "I made this, it is mine, when you are feeling sad, frustrated and overwhelmed back up and take a look at what I have made." That is when I asked about Marsha and was told he would hold her and would heal her. On Sunday when I went to church, I went to the cross and the prayer minister said that Marsha would be healed. I have to trust God.

I had so much guilt from saying no to God, two times, out loud and I meant it. I asked for forgiveness finally and mentioned something brief to my pastor and asked for forgiveness from her. She said it was done.

I hope I never ever am put in a situation that I deny God again. I know now what it feels like to be in true hell for that denial.

Miss Gerry...............

Three weeks ago my friend Gerry's daughter arrived to pick up her mother. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Gerry moved into an assisted living facility in Tucson near her daughter. The facility has a bedroom and bath and is in a big house. I talk to Gerry every week end. She is extremely unhappy and extremely unsatisfied with leaving her beautiful home. Her daughter feels she is taking care of her mother. When I talk with Gerry she seems absolutely normal. I do not see any Alzheimer characteristics at least right now. I am so sad unto myself. I do not know what to tell her. I finally visited with her daughter for over an hour. God told me to tell her daughter then back away. So I have. I hope God will work in her heart to give her comfort in the decision that is made.

Isn't God Funny

I look back on my relationship with God and my friends. He is so funny. I had been absolutely petrified of my new Christian friends. I could not talk when I was with them, I felt they were so far beyond me with their relationship. I didn't feel I could ever hold up to them. My heart pounded, I just listened and I froze. Well dear God thank you for letting me share that as now I have very good and caring friends. I thank you so much. This past week we started a miracle prayer group at my church. There was a long list of people to pray for. That night when I went to bed, I slept until 1:15am. God woke me up and for some reason, I continued to pray for the people in the prayer session. When I reached one person, God told me to stop. Huh? Stop? Why? God then said "He has been healed, he needs to claim it and then move to the spiritual head of his family." Whoa! What do I do with this? The next day, I told my pastor and asked her if I should tell him. She said yes, God gave the message to you. Hummmm......so I found him and told him. I've never done that before. He smiled and said, "that is what I have been waiting to hear."
Yesterday I asked him if he had claimed it and that God asked me to keep pushing him. He said what I said had been on his mind all day long. He told me to keep pushing him until he could say yes I claim it. I am cured and my relationship with God is restored. So I guess I will do that. He is healed, he does need to take the lead in his family. I will keep reminding him. He is torn between two religions. Christianity and Christian Science. There is a real struggle there. I pray God will show him the way.

Bless Me for Mission Work

Well, today God I am asking you to bless me with the funds for two mission trips. One for me and one for a friend. I have to go serve the children from another country. I have to serve the poor. Everyone is asking me when will I go. The cost is between $4,000-$5,000 per person. I will go when God provides the money. I am asking you to provide the money. That is a lot of money.........I am not doing this as a vacation, it is hard work and long hours. I am asking for your help and support. I am thanking you for your help and support. Thank you God.

Scared Beyond Belief

For over six months, I have been absolutely scared to death. Although I had never been scared before even while speaking with Alma Powell (Colin's wife), Lee Iacocca, David Battey, Margarite Kondrake, Lois Marie Gibbs, Lynn Sherr, Eleanor Cliff, and many more important people.........I froze when it came to speaking with my most ....cherished friends. I froze when it came to speaking with my Christian friends. I could not speak up. I just sat. The skills I had become so comfortable with just did not work. I had asked God to humble me but to completely take away my voice? I finally asked my cousin and my son, what should I do? They both told me to share that information with my friends. I prayed to be normal and then went out to New Years eve dinner with my friends. I finally told them I did not know why but they made me absolutely nervous. Their response "we know" and they laughed. They weren't sure why. I never felt I could ever be as brave or religious as they were. I never felt that God could ever accept me the same as he did them. One friend was a Messianic Jew and had gone against her families religion because she was so in love with Jesus. One had walked many blocks by herself as a 5 year old child in an inner city to reach the place that people talked about Jesus although her family did not attend and one was an attorney that had given up her career to become my pastor. I knew Jesus did not judge these things but I knew I was just a person, nothing more. So...........where does this take me?

I have asked God to keep me humble but to let me share. I sent them all a letter explaining me and I sent my first email..........inviting one of them to a monthly lunch at a certain place, a certain time and then added how assertive it was. I got back a response that "yes it was assertive and that I was cute" Cute? I guess I will accept Cute.

OH GOD HAS CREATED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MIRACLE YOU MIGHT EVER WANT TO SEE. WITHIN FIVE AND A HALF WEEKS WE HAVE EARNED ENOUGH MONEY FOR SIX WATER WELLS FOR UGANDA.